Civility in Challenging Times

Facing heightened divisions in our nation and world, we explored the meaning of Civility in our February 2020 Community Conversation. Conversing first in pairs, and then in small groups, we discussed the question: “How do you define civility?” Our definitions went beyond politeness and kindness, to exploring what civility means for a deeper engagement with each other. Here is a summary of what came out of our small and whole group conversations, ideas that are pertinent to challenging times.

• Civility means respect for others and their ideas. We enact this respect by active listening, without being judgmental. But civility also includes respect for oneself, setting boundaries and standing up for oneself, while communicating respect for the other.
• Civility means authenticity, being responsibly honest, and confronting injustice with honesty and respect. It is what allows open, respectful, and trusting conversations to happen.
• Civility is empathetic and compassionate communication. It is interacting with the purpose of understanding the reasons that each of us holds our opinions and beliefs.
• Civility is reaching for the greater good. Democracy thrives through respectful, authentic, empathetic, and compassionate interaction.

 
In our second small group conversation time, we explored how to effectively meet incivility with civility. Each group discussed one of these scenarios:

• Work Situation: At work, you notice people gathered around the water cooler. It turns out they are gossiping about a friend of yours. How might you address this situation? How might you apply civility in this situation.
• Witnessing or Experiencing Sexism: You are at dinner with friends, and a male friend makes a comment that is demeaning to women without realizing it. How might you address this situation? How might you apply civility in this situation?
• Witnessing or Experiencing Bullying: You witness one family member screaming at another family member. What might you do in this situation? How might you apply civility here?
• Witnessing or Experiencing Racism: Two friends—one of whom is white and one of whom is a racial minority—go shopping together, and a sales associate follows the two of them around the store. If you were one of the two friends, what might you do in this situation? How might you apply civility here?

 
In all of these scenarios, we found a variety of ways to correct the situation through mutually respectful and educational approaches that could lead to ongoing improvement. How would you address these or similar scenarios?

​We’d love to hear your thoughts about civility. Here are some questions to consider:
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How do we meet the challenge of Covid-19 in a way that brings people together, rather than pulling them apart?
How do we help each other in this time of severe economic loss?
How do we find solutions that make everyone feel heard - and that actually work?
 
Thoughts to share? Let’s start a conversation here!
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